Why Over 40s Struggle with Social Media

Overcoming Fear to Launch Your Podcast, YouTube Channel, or Newsletter

Dear friends,

If you're considering starting a Podcast, Newsletter, or YouTube channel, this episode is especially for you. 

Today I explore:

• the fears that hold us back from launching in the digital space

• the judgments we face

• how to overcome them.

This episode isn’t for everyone—but if you’ve been thinking about starting something new, it could be very helpful.

Love, Jim

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Why Over 40s Struggle with Social Media

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Intro

Though I've been using social media for some years, I've only started using it actively and intentionally in the last two.

An unexpected outcome has been some reactions from my contemporaries—people in their 40s.

Some of these reactions are not always easy to take, with some so-called “piss-takes” leaving a mark and the feeling that people I care about misread my motivations.

This is, however, very useful information that reveals different aspects of how people feel about social media itself.

In today’s newsletter, I'll explore why people judge you, what you fear, and why neither of these things should stop you.

Before going on, I want to say this clearly:

Never let what the world may or may not think stop you giving what you have to give — or for that matter, trying something new.

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You Don’t Start Because You Fear Being Judged

Many people in their 40s don't start using social media because they fear the reaction of others.

They're curious, open-minded, and understand the innumerable opportunities online.

However, since participating means putting yourself "out there," many choose not to.

Why?

Because they fear the reaction of their contemporaries.

As a result, they miss out on online opportunities because they can't get over the first hurdle, namely:

Fear of what friends and family might think.

The paradox is we don't really fear the world—we fear rather our close circle.

The prevailing suggestion to counteract this is:

"Get over it, don’t worry, just post!”

This advice, though well-meaning, doesn't help. It suggests everyone’s too busy with their own lives to care.

My experience is different.

You will encounter judgment at some stage if you participate online.

It's better to be real about that and have a strategy, rather than ignore it.

My advice differs from the usual.

You don't deal with problems by ignoring them; you just push them further down the road—where you'll have to deal with them later anyway.

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The Two Circles of Judgment

There are two circles of judgment: first your family and friends, and second the outside world.

With family and friends, responses vary.

The first group encourages you—they just want you to do what you need to do.

The second group is curious. Perhaps something stirs in them too, making it a fresh area to explore in conversation.

The third group is more difficult—that's where the judgment comes in—often expressed through quips that you're trying to “get famous” or “become an influencer”.

The little put-downs are ways people let you know what they’re thinking while never putting enough meat on the bone to want to actually cause a confrontation.

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Why Judgment Hurts

Doing something new—approaching life differently—is difficult.

It can hurt when people talk you down.

You want people to understand you—that your online life is just one aspect of you.

But with modern life being so fragmented, we often see loved ones more online than offline.

People's perception of you can become more attached to the online version than the real you living and learning as you go along.

This displacement between the actual you and the digital you can be confusing and hurtful.

Some may judge you more on your online expression than on who you truly are.

In this, your real self seems overshadowed by your digital self.

That's why the judgment hurts.

It's not the content you post that's the problem; it's that people's perception is shaped before they see you, conditioned by their own complex feelings toward online life.

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Embrace Being Unapologetically You

At this point, you might be looking for a solution. But instead, I offer a mindset:

Decide to become more of who you are, not less. Part of this journey is pursuing what you quietly dream of doing.

When it comes to trying new things, especially online, many obstacles and inner blocks can arise.

These often manifest as fear of what the world or our friends will think of us.

Over time though, those who love you will realise you're serious about your new path.

As you become clearer about your motivations and learn about yourself, the gags that felt loaded earlier feel lighter - and are probably made lighter too.

I've noticed that many who initially made fun now ask questions and show more interest.

As aspects of your life improve—whether it's business growth, or maybe your podcast or newsletter reaching more people — this becomes interesting to others.

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Why Judgment Turns to Interest

Here's something hard to understand:

When someone judges you, they're usually grappling with the very thing they're judging you about themselves.

Why?

Because we often judge what we don't understand—but would like to.

This is exactly where people in their 40s are with the online world.

We didn't grow up with social media. It wasn't there at the start but slowly infiltrated our lives.

I remember joining Facebook at 27, baffled why anyone would want to upload their life into a public domain.

Over the years, it shaped and defined modern life.

Many of us in our 40s didn't get past Facebook, and if we did join Instagram, we dislike it now because it's no longer just a place to share pictures and curate memories.

With "Reels" and increased noise, it feels congested with people promoting stuff—including people we know for that matter.

We think:

When did everything get so noisy, and why are the people we used to like now shouting at us too?!

I get it.

There's a lot not to like on social media—the energy drain, comparison traps, doom scrolling.

These issues are real, and our distaste is justified.

But they're not the whole picture.

Ultimately, the internet is defined by you, the user.

Many in their 40s haven't realised this.

We dabbled online, got disgruntled, returned to reality, and now watch the internet dominate modern life with a sense of detachment—and a feeling we've missed an opportunity we don't quite understand.

The paradox is that this sense of missed opportunity causes those not interacting with the digital world to judge those who are.

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It's Never Too Late to Start

Many in their 40s feel they've missed the boat.

Curious at first, the internet became too toxic, confusing, or boring, so they bailed out.

The trouble is, that boat took over the ocean, and they don't know how to get back in.

It feels too late.

Even if they wanted to, they feel they'd never catch up or figure it out, and they don't want their life consumed by the online anyway.

These feelings aren't unusual—and are both fair and probably healthy.

But when someone their own age starts tackling this stuff, the safety of not participating gets challenged.

Dreams you might have had are harder to ignore when people you know start playing that game.

And here's the thing:

Most people in their 40s know there's great opportunity online.

So it's hard when people you know start engaging. A prelude to making any change in yourself is often a determination to stay where you are. But staying in that place leads to feeling stuck when a dream beats somewhere in your chest.

Judgment becomes a way to offset something missing in ourselves.

Understanding this lessens our own sensitivity when we feel we are being judged by the world.

The world will always belittle what it fears or doesn't understand.

If you—wanting to try something new—understand this, it will greatly help you on your journey.

Simply put:

You don't need to fear what's not worth being afraid of.

Sartre said, "L'enfer, c'est les autres"—hell is others.

I don't believe that hell is others—but we have to deal with how others try to impose themselves onto us. That's what judgment often is — an effort to keep someone else in their box.

Understood this way, there's nothing to fear—especially not the opinions of others.

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Now You Are Free, What Next?

The real reason I write all this is that I was the very person I describe —judging myself and others.

When I hit 40, I felt completely conflicted about social media and the online world.

As the world turned online at the start of the pandemic, I turned offline: internalising, reading, writing, reviewing my life.

One of the feelings that surfaced was how disconnected from nature I felt—which prompted me to buy my campervan, Donna, and spend a winter in the wilds of Scotland — during which I wrote "The Isolation Diaries."

During that time, I thought a lot about the online world and realised I'd been living in a grey area for too long.

I resolved that something needed to change.

Either I would participate in online life on my own terms—as a creator, not just a consumer—or I'd delete everything and become an old-fashioned, analogue being.

At the trip's culmination, I knew one thing with certainty: I wanted to continue as an artist.

But not on the same terms I'd been living by.

I wanted to play a new hand at the game.

It turned out the very thing I most resisted—the online world—was the one ally I really had.

I'd lost my record deal when my label went under during the pandemic, and in its stead, my publishing deal too.

There was no support and many prudent reasons to give music up.

But deep down, I knew I wasn't done yet.

I wanted to live as an artist—and more so, to give back all the lessons and insights I’d learned on my long road.

To fulfil this purpose though, I had to learn new things.

With so much having fallen away—relationships, deals, relationships and prospects—I realised the only basis to go forward was the one that was right there before me.

Though I didn't like it at first, I understood that was online life.

Online life didn't mean giving up offline life, but embracing it as a partner on my journey.

That's how I learned the lesson I'm relaying today.

I had to be stripped back to my own core to realise there was an opportunity I was missing.

And that opportunity existed first inside me—in the knowledge I'd accrued over the years.

And second—in the only vehicle I had to deliver what I'd found in myself—the online world.

I determined then to set off to explore online life with seriousness and determination, not just to overcome my aversion but to participate, learn and renew.

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The 3 Psychological Challenges

This is the paradox for those in their 40s:

We know there's opportunity, but we're not ready to explore it.

I've explained why we fear the challenge—the fear of judgment.

On top of this we discover other lingering feelings:

• It's too late to start

• We've arrived too late to the game

• There's too much competition

Let's deal with these in turn.

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1) It's Too Late to Start

There's a Chinese proverb:

"The best time to plant a seed was 20 years ago. The second-best time is today."

Plant the damn seed.

There's an absurd notion that if you haven't "made it" by 40, you're out of the game.

Wrong.

By 40, you've been an adult for about 20 years. You've finally graduated into the maturing part of adulthood—where you have enough experience to make a decent measurement of what it is to live.

You've likely known success and, more importantly, failure.

You've probably lost someone, had your heart broken, faced health scares, gained and lost friendships, worried about finances, and pivoted professionally just to keep going.

Your life experience is a goldmine.

You have miles underfoot and stuff to teach.

That's not your ending.

That's your beginning.

Out of all that knowledge, there's a gift—you can help someone who hasn't experienced any of this yet or who is going through a similar situation.

When I was in the wild, I felt inspired. I felt at zero and felt the world-beating in my chest.

I started sharing all I was feeling about life, letting it out.

There was a wonderful sense of liberation—that it didn't matter, that everything mattered.

I started posting some reels to Instagram about what I was experiencing.

They started reaching people.

During that time around 10,000 new followers discovered my work.

I realised some of my experience—and communicating it in a way others could understand—was helping people.

It felt energising, especially knowing I was moved not by what I could get but what I could give.

I'm certain that's why I started breaking through.

It gave me confidence—that if I followed my thoughts, expressed my feelings, and shared ideas that mattered to me—they would land where they were meant to.

This developed into a greater conviction, beyond wanting to continue as an artist, I wanted to communicate in new and deeper ways with the world.

To communicate better meant first learning more about myself—which led me to writing and in time to this newsletter.

I realised at this time that language is the most powerful tool we have and the more I worked to harness words, the more I could formulate what had lived in me for so long in the abstract.

The newsletter started to grow steadily and then to the podcast.

I found that the more I wanted to learn about online life, the more gaps in my knowledge I discovered.

This led to reaching out to people who inspired me, like Jay Clouse, who, to my surprise, was open to coming onto the podcast.

Part of why people with bigger profiles accepted my invitation was that they saw my ideas landing with audiences and contributing to my own growth online.

I realised that discovering my central motivation—wanting to help people with the very things I'd struggled with—created a vivid feedback loop, leading to compounding growth.

I write all this because I know from experience—it is never too late to start.

More so, your point of giving up might become its opposite—your point of beginning.

This year, I've scaled back some online activities to get back to writing music, which I’m juggling with my film business.

Though I've been on a long journey to recover my confidence as a musician, I believe the album I'm writing will be a new chapter for me.

More than that, I have a deep sense of faith because the ideas that have reached people from my journey are all contained there— just in musical form.

I believe they will find new people, the people they're meant to find.

So I say again to whoever may need to hear it—

It is not too late to start.

Rather, it is the right time to start.

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2) We've Arrived Too Late to the Game

Another barrier is feeling we've arrived too late.

We've got it the wrong way round.

The opportunity online is just starting.

To support my argument, here's a quote from Goldman Sachs:

"As the ecosystem grows, the total addressable market of the creator economy could roughly double in size over the next five years to $480 billion by 2027 from $250 billion today."

That growth, from $250 to nearly $500 billion, means the market share in the "Creator Economy" will nearly double in the next two years.

The problem many have entering this economy is that we expect quick results—which is what anyone wants from a gold rush.

But that's not how opportunities in YouTube, podcasting, or newsletters work.

These platforms grow through three things:

• Consistency

• Time

• Effort

Yes, some may experience quick growth.

But bringing people into your business, ideas, or art is a much longer play, and that's what attracts me to the online world.

I don't want my life radically altered overnight. But I do want it to progress. And I enjoy that the online part of my work exists as an expression of my internal growth as a human being—what I learn, think about, and choose to share.

This sometimes hurts when we feel judged because the online world doesn't have to be about “exteriorising” — that is, attention seeking.

It can be the opposite —reflecting your inner world as it matures and grows.

The point is, if you play the long game, you're never too late.

Because most people are short-term about their goals.

Your unfair advantage as a 40+-year-old is that you can bring strategy and intention as a result of the experience you’ve accrued.

Rather than thinking that the online world is for younger people - you may find your knowledge gives you an unfair advantage.

And so:

The game is far from over.

The only question is: are you going to jump in or not?

If you are, my advice is to start sooner, not later.

Online, your best asset is time, and getting started means you begin your learning curve.

Regarding all this, my friend KP from the Build in Public podcast asked me an important question:

Can you think in decades, not days?

I've found great heart in this. I'm not thinking about next month—I'm thinking about 15 years from now.

For instance, the podcast recently reached episode 25 in just over a year.

To quote Alex Hormozi:

"To be a top 1% podcaster, you have to upload 21 podcasts. 90% don't go past 1. 9% don't go past 20. 1% make it to 21+."

So when people say "try harder," it usually just means "don't give up."

I do the podcast purely out of love and with zero business strategy. However, if I carry on at the same gentle rate of 25 a year till I'm 60, that would mean nearly 400 episodes.

I have no idea where that could lead or how it might impact my life. But I intend to find out!

Funnily enough, I watched a wonderful video by Rick Beato, now 62. He started his YouTube channel at 54 and now has over 5 million subscribers. What did he say at the end of the video? "I'm really glad I started when I did!”

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3) There's Too Much Competition

Yes, there are a lot of people out there, and yes, things feel ever more competitive online.

I've felt it myself.

"Damn, why didn't I turn onto this stuff earlier—why was I so against it?"

But there's no use living in yesterday.

We only have today and what we choose to do with it.

When entering competitive markets, we often have our psychological approach mixed up.

The reason so many give up isn't just that it's difficult, but because they want scale, fast.

If scale is your sole motivation, you’ll be out of the game as soon as things get tough. And they will.

Instead, I ask myself:

Can I reach one person?

And I mean truly reach them.

This year I started being intentional on YouTube—posting a video every week.

For several months, there was a lot of effort but little response. It was frustrating.

Gradually, though, something started happening.

A few people started commenting.

And I mean really commenting.

Sharing something of their life story, as well as thanking and encouraging me.

These comments were far more important than metrics to me.

They were indicators.

Yes, you want your work to reach people.

But it’s about community too, and for me as I go forward plugging away with my weekly YouTube video, the real joy is the slow formation of an interactive community who want to help one another.

The point is, when your work starts reaching people and matters to them—that's the sign you need.

Like in real life, things compound online.

The work you do today extends into the future.

And the most important feedback you will ever get is a meaningful response.

If your work means something to someone—it can mean something to another too.

The only question is—will you be there long enough for it to reach them?

That's on you, and whether you've got the gumption to stay in the game.

So rather than being overawed by competition, think of it instead as your opportunity.

Your challenge is to reach your audience —with what you create and your capacity to stay in the game.

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Back to the Start

This brings us full circle—to you, in your mid-40s, wondering if you should start.

When you start reaching others—mattering to them—you realise you weren't putting stuff out for your friends and family.

They aren't your intended audience, even if it matters a lot when they do support you.

Your audience is rather, out there, beyond your local environment.

That's why it's so important not to let fear of local judgment stop you.

That hurdle exists in your own mind—why not leap over it?

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A Word on Failure

Finally, let's address a final struggle we have in our 40s with trying something online:

The fear of failure.

It can feel daunting to start something new.

We think:

"Do I really want to fail in public?"

I think this is a common reason people stop starting new things.

However, I don't think about the online game in terms of "success and failure."

Instead, there's either:

Doing it or not doing it.

If you want to do it and aren't— then you’re in danger of failing yourself.

When you post stuff—some lands, some doesn't. But you always learn something new—not just from its effect, but from the act of doing it.

For instance, I'm coming to the end of writing this newsletter.

It's 2 PM, and I started at 8 AM—that's a 6-hour stretch of focused writing.

The capacity to concentrate on a singularly challenging task for so long without a break is something I've developed since I started writing.

I learned early on that the tools I had didn't match what I was setting out to do.

So I spoke to experts in productivity, learned tricks, tools, and systems, and started challenging myself.

I learned that in a distracted world, concentration is a superpower.

So for me, the success of this newsletter is already written into the doing of it, itself.

What I mean is that you grow as a person when you have the courage to learn something new and step up to the challenges it places upon you.

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Personal Takeaways and Conclusions

For me there is a spiritual dimension to sharing your work.

When I create something now, I ask myself:

Did I give this message the best chance to arrive wherever it needs to?

Because creating something - whether a product, a novel, an album — is only the first part of the process.

Learning how to help it find its audience is the second.

If you can get your work out and help both your own life and someone else’s while doing it — that makes the world a bit better.

And for me, that’s the definition of success.

There are aspects of our life we can control and others we can't.

What I love about the online world is that despite its challenges, it's a tool anyone can wield.

It's not easy to find its place in our lives, and that's part of why we struggle with it—whatever age we are.

The biggest change in my life was deciding not to live in a grey zone.

Living with a foot in and out of something makes you miserable.

Feeling you "should" be doing something and not doing it makes you miserable.

Deciding to confront this sense of ambiguity has been tremendously empowering.

Social media would no longer be something "done to me" but something I'd choose to participate in actively or scrap altogether.

By empowering myself with it, I changed my attitude.

And with changing my attitude, I could look at it afresh.

Looking at it afresh meant learning something new.

And whenever you learn something new, you start growing.

Follow that growth.

It's growth because it feels uncomfortable at first.

That's okay.

Sit in it awhile.
Feel it.
But don't be dominated by it.

A huge help for me has been to put the joy back into it.

To have a sense of play.
To try things.
To realise it's not as serious as we make it out to be.

If the world laughs, let it.

Laugh along, laugh back. But laugh!

So many of our demons are imaginary, often imposed on us by the demons living in other people’s own imaginations.

Instead, dance with them.

You get to live.

On your own terms.

Online or not — just let it be on your terms.

Participate in the miracle.

Contribute to it.

If something's tormenting you, throw it out.

Tear down the scaffolding, then build anew.

As long as we remember we're participant in life — rather than letting it just occur to us — that's what matters.

Get out there, get scrappy, and don't trade over your dream to someone else.

This is your life, your dream.

Now's the time to stop overthinking, stop making excuses, and to go for it.

Have a great day everyone, and keep in there!

Jim

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Summary

• Embrace Authenticity Despite Judgment: Don't let fear of being judged—especially by those close to you—deter you from sharing your gifts and pursuing new opportunities online. Being true to yourself can inspire others and lift you too.

• It's Never Too Late to Start: Age isn't a barrier to entering the digital world or starting something new. Your life experience is valuable and can resonate with and help others. Now is the perfect time to begin.

• Overcome Psychological Barriers: Common fears like feeling it's too late, thinking you've missed the boat, or worrying about competition can hold you back. Recognizing and addressing these empowers you to take action and engage meaningfully online.

• Focus on Meaningful Impact Over Numbers: Success isn't solely measured by metrics or scale. Making a genuine connection with even a single person can be profoundly impactful. Consistency and authenticity are more valuable than quick, large-scale results.

• Redefine Failure and Success: View your journey not in terms of traditional success or failure but as a continuous learning process. Each step enhances your growth and contributes positively to others, which is a success in itself.