Berlin, 2nd January 2023 S-Bahn Rixdorf
I’m on the balcony watching the wind weave it’s gentle sorcery. It feels good; to be in the jaws of renewal. To feel it’s teeth sink in. Hell, hurts a little too. To be feasted on. New beginnings are blood in tooth & claw. That’s why we resist them.
“Dam life, not yet. I’ve got to get over my hangover before I can face you”.
But rebirth is compulsory in January. Some won’t make a list, or imagine the possibility of change. Are they wise or just life weary? We decide that debate in ourselves.
One thing is certain. It’s 2023 brothers and sisters. We have less time than we did before.
Today as we resist our beginning we are closer to our ending.
Our inner dialogue mutters, but time is utterly intransigent.
We have choices. Somewhere inside we know we have to obey the conditions of life.
So why not howl -
Make your revival desperate, make it gleeful, make it defiant.
It doesn’t matter a dam how aloof, snooping, or indifferent the stars are.
This is your time.
This is your life.
It isn’t about expecting something of it.
My wisdom is broken and hard learnt. My understanding?
Find meaning in the thing you do itself. Not the expectation of what it can give you.
And so I share my own dishevelled list. Because it’s incompleteness leaves space for further dreaming.
It’s as full of determination as it is lacking in functionality.
But that’s the nature of tying together aspiration and dream. We have to concretise our angels. And yet leave enough in the sky to stir our dreaming.
And so, I flutter between abstraction and intention. One without the other is like depriving oneself access to the Godhead.
Happiness in austerity
Continue to dance with the devil-tongued dark room
Create; desperately and w/out expectation or need of validation
Complete things
Don’t hoard!
Make living work, not dead work
Be consistent
Sleep in on Sundays
React to everything
Get Donna (my camper van) to Scandinavia. Then freeze together.
Banish sugar
Gut it out for your dreams
Call or see a loved one, every day
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i don't really do resolutions anymore, but if there is one thing i want to really focus on this year, it's taking better care of myself in every way.
2022 was a year of a lot of change for me, transitioning into full time freelance work after spending my whole life in the education system, changes in my core family, finishing therapy after three years.
so this year, i'm working on finding a balance in my new reality. work-life-balance, and a lot of not letting my anxiety get in the way of things. travel a bit, see my friends, go to all the concerts, play my guitar and sing, move my body, read good books. we'll see how it goes!
"New year, new you" always has the bad aftertaste of "you are not good enough as you are" and I am working hard to resist that thought.
Yet, January usually means I don't have many plans in terms of traveling and a lot of time to reflect. So I often use it to get back into exercising if I have fallen off the wagon. I do not like workouts, but I know they will make me feel better in the long run so that is why I commit to them. This, however is a yearly thing and not so much a resolution, a routine more than a plan.
This past year I have tried to catch up on so much I missed during the two pandemic years so I have traveled a lot and see lots of concerts. It was great fun, but I do feel exhausted, so the one overall plan I have for this new year is: S l o w d o w n ! Get over the FOMO, you can't do everything and you can't be everywhere and that's OK. Choose wisely.
Here's a list of ideas for things I wanna do in 2023:
- see friends as often as possible
- make memories
- continue to go to concerts that will make me happy
- play my ukulele (badly!)
- see a play or a few, preferably in London
- rest when I need it
- not feel guilty when I realize I can't manage everything I thought I'd do
- capture travels and concerts with my camera, but also enjoy moments without
- remain curious